You may not see it. You may not be aware of it. You may not even have a name for it.
But chances are, you have experienced the upper limits problem numerous times.
It’s a term coined by psychologist Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap. The upper limits problem is a paradoxical pattern: when we start to feel good inside, we unconsciously sabotage ourselves so we can go back to feeling bad again.
Upper limits can be difficult to see in action because they run counter to our ordinary logic about life. We think that feeling bad – pain, tension, anxiety, and conflict – is ...
Have you ever noticed that everyone seems busy all the time?
As couples, we're often too busy to talk about what's really going on, too busy to make time for date night, or, sometimes, even too busy to have a meaningful conversation.
As individuals, we're too busy to stay in touch with friends, too busy for hobbies (remember those?), or too busy to relax.
This harried state marks a strange inversion from previous generations. Leisure time used to be a marker of status. Now it means you have no goals, no ambition or drive.
Just imagine what would go down if you responded to someone at...
(i.e. Psychedelics Without the Drugs) Mar 08, 2023
Until just recently, psychedelic drugs like psilocybin (magic mushrooms), LSD, MDMA, and ketamine were shrouded in clouds of suspicion and stigma.
They were illicit and illegal, the drugs often associated with hippies, 1970s rock musicians, and rave junkies.
But as you may have noticed, the cultural status of these compounds is changing, and it's changing fast.
In just the few months, numerous states have legalized the use of psilocybin.
In just the last few weeks, psychedelic assisted therapy was featured on John Oliver's Last Night, the New York Times' podcast The...
Busyness, time scarcity, and stress have all led to the shrinking of the modern mind.
We realize that's a strange thing to say. Most of us don't think of our mind is something with space in it, as a thing that can either be big or small, expensive or claustrophobic.
But just think about the last time you felt overwhelmed, stressed, or out of control. Chances are, you might not even have to think that hard. You might be experiencing that state right now as you read these words.
What happens in these moments?
First, our mind wanders. It spins through all sorts of random thoughts...
Originally Published in Inc. Magazine.
Do you ever have trouble keeping track of all the things racing through your mind? Do you ever feel like your life would fall apart without to-do lists, calendars, and constant reminders?
Most of us believe the subtle shifts in memory we experience are the result of aging. The older we get, we think, the harder we have to work to encode new memories.
Researchers at the Stanford Memory Lab, however, found that aging isn't the only factor that diminishes what psychologists call "working memory": our ability to process and store...
Originally Published in Inc. Magazine.
In spite of all the studies showing the amazing benefits of meditation, most people fail to turn this practice into a habit for one simple reason. I call it the myth of "monk-style meditation."
It's the myth that, if you want to become a "real meditator," you need to seal yourself off from the world for long periods. This myth tells you that you can't just meditate for five or ten minutes a day. You have to do it for at least 30 minutes or an hour each day.
This myth arises from the early neuroscience research on...
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
Like most successful entrepreneurs, working at a high level of intensity came naturally to Brad Feld, co-founder of Techstars and the Foundry Group. But over the last 30 years, he noticed a damaging pattern shared by many entrepreneurs: His words didn't match his actions.
He said he wanted to invest more in his personal relationships. He said he wanted to invest in his mental fitness. He said he wanted to work on himself. And yet work at the office always seemed to come first. Somehow, he was committed to never getting enough...
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
You just got off the phone with one of your most important clients. The game-changing deal you were trying to close is off. They're not interested.
You've just pitched 10 potential investors. They all say they're "interested" but it's been two weeks. You refresh your inbox hourly, and yet still no word.
How do you react in these situations?
If you're like most people, your mind floods with negativity. "Maybe our product sucks," "Why can't I just get a break?" or "Maybe there's something wrong with me."
Neuroscientists have a name for this...
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
I'm 40 years old, and I've burned myself out twice so far in my career. In both cases, it was painful, terrifying, and yet life-changing in its positive effects.
The first time happened in my late 20s. I was in the final year of finishing up my PhD. The stress of graduate school combined with a serious bike accident left me drowning in waves of anxiety, depression, and fatigue. The second time happened just recently, in a milder form. It sprung from a combination of stress, long hours, and forgetting to rest.
Each time it happened, the...
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
It's 2 a.m. I'm wide awake. Thoughts about the vendor I need to reply to, the email I forgot to write, and my overflowing inbox spin through my head, pinging me awake like mental smartphone notifications. Finally, I've had enough. I get out of bed and pull out my computer.
I open my inbox: "121 unread messages."
I spend the next two hours flying through my inbox. It's a blur of calendar invites, Slack messages, emails, and Asana tasks. Two hours later, at 4 a.m., I experience a rush more intoxicating than...
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
Have you ever wondered why, after spending hours on email, you feel tense and tight? Why you feel more anxious than before? Or why, even when do you stop, your mind keeps spinning?
This is the state that psychologist Linda Stone calls "email apnea." It's characterized by "shallow breathing or breath holding while doing email, or while working or playing in front of a screen."
Email apnea occurs for a variety of reasons. First, our posture slumps the moment we pick up our phone or computer, which compromises our ability...
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
The modern office meeting is broken. We've known this for decades, which is why people say things like "death by meeting," "analysis paralysis," or Apple CEO Tim Cook's truism, "the longer the meeting, the less is accomplished."
And yet, in many organizations, meetings continue to drain energy, creativity, and time. In my own experience, it's become clear to me that the ordinary mindset in most meetings is best described as "not fully there" or, in the words of psychologist Linda Stone, a state of "continuous partial attention."
...
